Last year I put together a story about all the pinball tables I really wanted to see for Pinball FX 2 and Zen Pinball 2 — including Indiana Jones, Robot Chicken, Resident Evil, Game Of Thrones, and the BioShock games — and why none of them will ever be made…probably. And wouldn’t you know it, I was right. So far, none of these have been made into pinball tables. So I thought it would be fun to think about what other tables I’d like to play…and why I’ll probably never have the chance to play them, either.
Why I’d Want To See It: While there’s been Simpsons pinball tables before, real ones, it’s not hard to think the Zen Studios kids could do a really cool one, too. Especially after playing the great tables they’ve made recently for South Park, Family Guy, Archer, Bob’s Burgers, and American Dad.
Why I Probably Never Will: Because when Zen Studios spoke to Fox to get the rights to make the aforementioned Family Guy, Archer, Bob’s Burgers, and American Dad tables, the first word out of Zen’s collective mouths was probably “Simpsons?” And while Fox’s response may have been, “Do these others first, then we’ll talk,” it’s also possible that Fox said, “Nope. What about these?”
THE HALO GAMES
Why I’d Want To See It: Besides the fact that the Halo games have a rather distinctive look, especially when you get to the alien worlds, it also seems like this shooter series could easily translate into a pinball game by having you shoot a bunch of targets with the ball. A number of Zen’s tables have employed this mechanic, including Bob’s Burgers and CastleStorm, and so far, it’s worked well.
Why I Probably Never Will: Children’s toys aside, Microsoft have been rather protective of the Halo brand, and if they were going to do a pinball game, they’d probably do it themselves. Except they probably never will, since they’re too busy making regular Halo games (Halo 5: Guardians), arcade-style shooters (Halo: Spartan Strike, Halo: Spartan Assault), and real-time strategy games (Halo Wars and the upcoming Halo Wars 2) to make a pinball one.
THE VENTURE BROTHERS
Why I’d Want To See It: One of the wildest and most inventive cartoons around, this could be an equally weird and wild table if the Zen Studios people worked with the show’s creators. And that goes double if they not only made a regular one, but also made a Rusty Venture Show table like one that would’ve been made back when that cartoon was on the air.
Why I Probably Never Will: Since Adult Swim make their own games, they’d probably make a Venture Brothers pinball table on their own, rather than let Zen do it. It’s why I doubt we’ll see a Rick & Morty table anytime soon, either. Which is too bad; that would be cool, too.
Why I’d Want To See It: Zeppelin’s album covers could easily be translated into a cool pinball table. And I know this for a fact because when I was in junior high, I made a couple Led Zeppelin pinball tables using EA’s Pinball Construction Set.
Why I Probably Never Will: Jimmy Page is notoriously protective when it comes to Zeppelin’s music. It’s why they’ve never had any songs in either the Rock Band or Guitar Hero games. And why, I suspect, we’ll never have them in a pinball table either. And without Zeppelin’s music, there’s no point in making this table.
THE ALIEN MOVIES
Why I’d Want To See It: A ball that looks like one of the facehugger’s eggs? An alien queen that births facehugger egg balls? Ripley in the loader getting into a fight with the queen while she births multiple facehugger egg balls? This table practically designs itself.
Why I Probably Never Will: Because the people behind the Alien movies probably wouldn’t want something this silly coming out when they’re hoping to relaunch the franchise soon. Also, eggs don’t roll that well, despite what that bunny might have you believe.
STAR WARS: BB-8
STAR WARS: THE DEATH STAR
Why I’d Want To See It: I’m sorry, do I really have to explain why a ball droid and a giant round space station should have their own pinball games? Really?
Why I Probably Never Will: While Zen might do a BB-8 table at some point, especially given how they’ve already made a bunch of Star Wars tables, including one featuring R2-D2 and C-3PO, I’m guessing Disney and LucasFilm wouldn’t see the humor in a pinball table where the ball is the Death Star.
CALVIN & HOBBES
Why I’d Want To See It: Given the kid’s vivid imagination, it’s easy to see how Zen Studio’s could have fun with this table, especially if they did one that switched from a school day to a snow day to a Spaceman Spiff landing on an alien world.
Why I Probably Never Will: Calvin & Hobbes creator Bill Waterson has long been against the commercialization of his beloved comic strip, and has never approved any products bearing their likeness. Not t-shirts, not coffee mugs, and definitely not those car window stickers that show Calvin taking a piss. Which means not pinball games, too.
Got any better ideas? Let me know in the comments below. Or better yet, tell Zen Studios.